I think this page did not even remotely accomplish what I was trying to convey. The idea was the pile of ash (Grey) was the actual hunter, posing as something helpless to lure in other predators. The spider, the Shade of Sister Sincerity, falls for this trap and is absorbed by the ash critter, which becomes more powerful.
Did this page say that at all? Any time I've show it to people they get confused.
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Oh. I thought it was the other way around...that Sister Sincerity absorbed Grey. Nerk.
But I love this new art style by the way. Really really love.
Grey + Sin... well that certainly will be one sadistic um.... er ghost.
Yeah, I have to be honest, there's no way I would have gotten that without an explanation. The last one had me a touch confused too. Sans your post, this set would leave me one confused panda...
Aubrey
For lack of color I thought it was sand, not ash..... that and the 3rd panel is likely where the intent gets lost... it starts off on the stomace, then you see the legs poking through the arm in panel 2, then you see the legs poking out of a shapeless mass that may or may not be a forming back in panel 3. If you don't know its that you might have troubles figuring it out
It almost seems the way you intended when you look at the last panel, BUT it's very easy to take it the other way around. The first three panels are a bit confusing... I think the most clarity could have been made with the third.
When I first saw the spider on the previous page, I thought that was Grey... I had been wondering when she'd show up again.
The impression that I got from the page was that the spider was prowling, and then when the face appeared on the pile of ash (I didn't get it was ash, but then, I don't know how you convey that it's ash without some kind of fire around. Otherwise it just looks like dirt), I realized where you were going with it. That we were meant to think you were talking about the spider, but the ash creature was the true predator. I thought it was just hiding to look innocent,; like part of the landscape. I didn't realize it was looking vulnerable. And I didn't realize that the spider was Sister Sincerity. It's been a while since I've seen her. I didn't expect her to show up again, so I wasn't thinking about it. I did realize that the ash monster was grey, and had eaten the spider.
-Zelig
I got that the ash was the real predator from the previous page. This page gave me the impression though that the ash and the spider were merging - sort of a mutual symbiosis. I'm not sure what else you could do to make it clear that the spider is an unwilling component of the new creature... perhaps some struggle? Still, I don't think the page was a disaster at all, and your real meaning can always show through later in the story.
Ah . . . I knew the ash pile was Grey, but didn't know the spider was Sin. Been too long since she's been in the comic, so I didn't recognize the pattern on its back.
Rone once I read this journal piece after reading the strip I can say that it explaining all of that :)
Love that Grey is symbol by Ash and Sin as a spider.
For the purpose of constructive criticism, I think this scene should be drawn out longer. This would help convey the idea better, and it would be appropriate, since this affair has such symbolic significance. So more pages, slower melding, more distress on the spider's part (Maybe you could have changed the face pattern to a more unhappy expression as she was absorbed? That'd be sweet.) The mask setup has some interesting implications.
yea I thought the ash was the predator on the last page, the spider actaully looked very softand onnocent. I can get the symoblosis after you said it with the masks on this page, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. if it's really imporant it'll soon become clear and if not, there is always tons of sybolism lost in art, but that makes it cool cause then theere can be dozens of interpretations. And the new art style is most awsome. Vey soft, plaesing, and archaic at the same time. . . and then distubing with the sharpness of the masks/fangs contasting it.
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